The Paragon Beholder - We See What Goes On!

Paragon Police 'Runners' Replaced

by Victoria Valance

The typical sight of a PCPD officer at work

News that existing Paragon City Police officers are going to be replaced by better trained and better equipped officers who will actually stop crimes in progress have shocked and saddened those currently walking the beat. Paragon City Hall has promised to put these new Paragon City Police Department (PCPD) operatives to work "soon", but this sudden shift has left many existing officers feel abandoned and redundant.

Although the PCPD has officially warned its officers against talking to the press, The Beholder has managed to get a reading on the situation through information provided by Dmtri "Demi" Godwitz, a recently retired officer who spent the last 25 years walking the beat around the City. "People think the role of the police is to arrest criminals. That isn't true, at least in Paragon City," said Mr Godwitz. "No, a PCPD officer is trained to run away as fast as possible from any crime he or she sees, waving their arms frantically in an attempt to attract a hero's attention. That's what a good cop does. Some rookies, they try to do stupid things, like arrest a glowing Supa Troll or take on a fire breathing Hellion, but a month in the Hollows armed only with a shield soon sorts that kind out."

Mr Godwitz said that it is sad that this unique form of law enforcement will lose its place in Paragon City. "It really is the end of an era. Police actually stopping crime? Who ever thought?" He also believes that this "new way" of police activity will have unintended consequences for the reputation of the PCPD. "Everybody knows the PCPD is recognised nationwide for the svelteness and speed of its officers. We don't have fat cops - all that running keeps their weight right down. Also, the PCPD team always win all the track events at the annual Emergency Services Athletics Week. This isn't going to keep happening when a cop is stuck inside an armoured suit all day, able to shoot a bad guy down from 50 yards. He's just not going to get the kind of exercise he used to have."

"It does make me a little sad to see this happen. I mean, my grandfather was a cop who ran from crime, my father and mother were both cops who ran from crime and I ran from crime every day I worked the beat. My two sons are just about to graduate from the PCPD Academy and know all my stories, but now they'll never get the opportunity to run from crime for themselves," added Mr Godwitz.

Paragon City officials have indicated the new PCPD officers will help keep crime rates down and will be better able to assist heroes in protecting the City.

Shot of the Month

Heroes and villains dance the night away at the recent 2nd Anniversary Party

"I'm The Better Archvillain" - Tyrant to Recluse

by Pere Torr

Praetorian archvillain Tyrant has launched a blistering verbal attack on Lord Recluse, indicating that he is "twice the villain Lord Recluse is" and repeatedly mocking the "gimped weenie legs" that Recluse has attached to his back.

The recorded message from Tyrant first appeared on some pro-villain websites and has quickly circulated into the general public. In this message, Tyrant makes numerous statements directed towards Lord Recluse, including "I control an entire world while he's lucky to hold onto some small islands - what a noob!", "I step on spiders all the time; you will be no different Recluse!" and "I keep Statesman in a cell - you've never even gotten that close! HAHAHAHA! What a loser you are!"

Lord Recluse's 'spider' legs came in for particular attention, with Tyrant using words as "spindly, stupid-looking", "gimpy, weenie", "damn ugly-looking" and "laugh-inducing" to describe them.

The message ends with a direct challenge from Tyrant to Lord Recluse for a one-on-one fight to "settle things once and for all". "Come on down - or should I say up! - from that cobweb-encrusted pit you call a home and let's settle this. I'll take you in Siren's Call! I'll take you in Bloody Bay! I'll kick your [censored] [censored] up and down the shoreline of your miserable Isles and leave you to crawl back to the hole you came out of!" said Tyrant.

It is believed that this message was spurred by Tyrant's anger at recently being outvoted by Lord Recluse as "Most Dangerous Foe" in the recent Uber Leet magazine Villain special. Third place was a tie between the Praetorian Infernal and Ghost Widow.

Thus far, no comment has been made by Lord Recluse or his representatives on either Tyrant's message or the challenge he put forward.

Lord Recluse Bans Intelligent Design in Rogue Isles

by Barry Dawdle

In a move that has outraged conservative religious groups, Lord Recluse has openly banned the teaching and discussion of intelligent design and has also ordered any materials that contain articles on intelligent design to be immediately destroyed with in the Rogue Isles.

In issuing this decree, Lord Recluse stated that "evolution is the only true way forward, not pseudo-scientific babble" and that "the only intelligent design in this world is what I have planned for it". Effective immediately, it is an offense to teach, talk about or have any materials relating to intelligent design within the Rogue Isles. Penalties for breaching this order have not been publically announced, but are expected to be extremely draconian.

This event adds to a long list of activities that Lord Recluse has permitted in the Rogue Isles that have outraged conservative organisations worldwide, such as the legalisation of gay marriage, legislation permitting the possession and production of drugs deemed as harmful in many other countries and the legalisation of regulated prostitution.

Community Leaders Say Hero Vs Villain Violence is "Wrong"

by Pere Torr

Leaders of over fifty community and social welfare groups in Paragon City have written a joint letter to Paragon City Hall, Freedom Phalanx and the Freedom Corp expressing their desire to heroes abandon the violent battles that occur regularly when they meet villains. Instead, they would prefer that heroes and villains attempt to work out their differences in non-violent and spiritually enriching communication, which in turn would lead to better understanding of each other and reduced long-term crime rates.

Maria D'Angelo, head of the Get Outta Gangs Workgroup and spokesperson for the groups beind the letter, says that people are "concerned by the actions of heroes when fighting villains. Do they ever stop to see what the villain really wants? Do they even try talking to the villain? No - they go in, powers blazing. We believe that if the heroes opened up a bit, started by asking the villain a few simple questions, a lot of blood wouldn't be needlessly shed. The entire society of Paragon City would benefit as a result."

Ms D'Angelo says that this is particular the case in areas such as Bloody Bay, Siren's Call and Warburg, where heroes and villains go at each other with particular viciousness.

Heroes disagree with the assessment made by the social leaders that talking to villains would improve in Paragon City. A hero who agreed to go on the record was Diamonte, who said that, "talking to villains doesn't work - they are usually all hyped up about the crime they are committing, and will react violently to anyone trying to interrupt them. As as for places like Bloody Bay... all I can is that after you've got an assassin strike in the back for the fifth time in fifteen minutes and yet again have to go to hospital, well, you certainly won't be in the mood for a social chit chat with the guy who did it!"