This reporter was shocked and apalled to learn that the economy of this city which has been so damaged by the recent attack by the Rikti must brace for another onslaught from a nefarious and unexpected source.
Recently hired so-called hero, The Economizer, tried to ease the minds of employees last week at a company meeting. "This will not be an easy time for any of us, but in the interest of keeping shareholder value at its highest possible level, some, possibly all jobs in the enforcement, human experimentation, and web development sections of Crey Industries must be moved overseas". He declared as he stood before a stunned audience of employees, oily smile oozing insincerity.
Countess Crey applauded the statement and expressed support for the move.
"I have long suspected that we were suffering from a bloated payroll" the Countess says, "The Economizer has been able to show without a doubt that if we force our employees to train their replacements in Asia and the Subcontinent that morale would improve, profits would skyrocket, and efficiency would... Well... What is the opposite of plummet?"
"Also, with all of these cuts, I'll be able to justify a much larger bonus than usual for myself at year's end," she added happily.
When this reporter approached the elusive Economizer for proof of his claims that laying off 80% of the local workforce (which amounts to nearly a third of the population of our fine city) would improve life in our community he proceeded to present his case.
"Before I begin, I would like you to examine this pocketwatch." which he dangled by its chain in front of this reporter's gaze. A remarkable sense of calm and well-being was felt by yours truly as the watch swung back and forth, turning slowly...
"So you can see, even though we are going to plunge nearly half the city's population and our most loyal customers into what seems like desperate poverty, this move is actually a good one for Crey Industries. Profits will rise, consumers will spend more than ever, and the economy will thrive." He concluded after an indeterminate period. Then for some reason he snapped his fingers, apparently signalling the end of the interview.
As I struggled to recall the rather pointed questions I had prepared for the interview, I had to admit that his presentation made sense, even though at the time of filing this story I cannot exactly recall many of the details, apparently it was so engrossing that I completely forgot to take any notes.
Thus it is with unwavering support that this reporter declares that this paper, this city, this entire planet owes the Economizer a debt of gratitude for showing us the error in our ways. He has convinced me that the citizens of our fine city are adaptable, and enjoy a good challenge. Standing in line at the unemployment office will present numerous opportunities for creative thinking and surely result in a string of breakthroughs in the food service and landscaping industries.
In conclusion, I would like to say The Economizer is a fine man of outstanding moral value and I would be proud to have him take my daughter in marriage if he so chooses.