"It's true, I'm sorry to say: many heroes are self-absorbed and too brooding to even pay attention to who they are rescusing," says Mabel Chatsy, spokeswomen for the Citizen's Advocacy Brigade (CAB). "All too often a hero will mope onto the scene, deliver some dialogue about having an unhappy childhood, then punch out the bad guy and leave. No hello, no goodbye - these heroes just think they are better than us. Well, we can look after ourselves!"
CAB has reported its memberships are up in recent times and that its members have been able to reduce the number of petty thefts, vandalisms and car-jackings that have occurred in CAB-assisted areas. Also, CAB members are more likely to know the area they are protecting and aren't going to make a mistake. Ms Chatsy elaborates on this point, "I remember one time when my son came to borrow some money off me on the street. He was wearing bright clothes and had coloured hair, but he's such a nice boy... anyway, I'd just handed the cash over when some spandexed fool appeared and proceeded to mind-control my son into giving the money back! It took ages to explain to this hero what was going on; all I can say is I'm glad he didn't have claws when he made such an error!"
As a new CAB member, Andreas Spiros says there are many reasons to join CAB and to stop using heroes. "CAB put on such nice member lunches and are always so polite to each other - not like those 'zip in, save, zip out' heroes who think the world revolves around them. Would some manners cost them, or would it just eat into their heroing time?", he asks.
When questioned about CAB's effectiveness in stopping superpowered villains, Ms Chatsy and Mr Spiros indicated that CAB hasn't crossed paths with any. "Villains generally stick to their own dirty areas where decent folk don't go," says Ms Chatsy. "CAB looks after citizens and doesn't see the point in galavanting into abandoned factories or disused parks since there are no citizens there. In fact, only those who are stupid or arrogant would go into such areas, and then all they do is fight anyway. Acting like this isn't heroic at all!"
CAB expects to hold a public meeting in Atlas Park in the near future and is seeking decent citizens for members.