News of an impending city-wide healthcare strike has forced the Paragon City Council into a self-described state of panic. Complaints of over-crowded hospitals, poorly managed Emergency Medical Systems (EMS) and liberal Assault and Battery laws pertaining to heroes are all contributing factors that have led to this tense stand-off.

An anonymous source inside City Hall has confirmed that the Mayor is beginning to coordinate emergency measures and has already requested aid from various charitable organizations should the need arise. “I just feel like the public has a right to know what’s going on,” reasoned the source. “These hospital people is ****ed off and I can’t say as I blame ‘em. What with all the beatin’ and blastin’ goin’ on… I’d be ****ed off too.”

For decades, Paragon City has been the center of many historic events. Battles have been waged in the streets constantly for years, pitting our licensed hero forces against villains ranging from megalomaniacal fascists to mystical cultists to aliens. Now, with the more imminent dangers past, an increasing number of costumed do-gooders have turned their attention to common street criminals. As a result, the healthcare workers of the city have decided they’ve finally had enough.

“Do you realize how many gang bangers alone I stitch up every day?” Marcellus Redding, a veteran Paragon City E.R. Technician, sees more violent injuries in one shift than most medical workers see annually in other major cities. “I mean, come on… we have a bunch of spandex-wearing loons running around beating the tar out of every bum they see, with no regard for those of us who have to clean up the mess. It’s ridiculous.”

Unfortunately for Paragon City’s public, it’s not just those at the lower levels of healthcare that are feeling the added pressure of the City’s war on crime.

“Sometimes I work twenty-four hours a day in the E.R just to keep up with the heroes,” states Dr Ralph Thomas, senior Trauma Surgeon at the Kings Row Hospital. “No metropolitan area, other than Paragon City, has a hospital every two of miles. Seriously, that’s kind of sad.”

Doctor Thomas is clearly frustrated and his experiences mirror those of other medical workers who were interviewed. “Just three days ago I’m walking home from work and this giant in pink tights jumps out of the bushes and starts wailing on three guys walking behind me. He then proceeds to run off down the street beating up every third or fourth person he comes across; all the time screaming ‘Justice is served… Mr. Thwack-a-Chump style!’ I mean, that may be great for a publicity shot, but we Doctors are getting tired of putting these people back together.”

The recent information leak that confirmed heroes are actually rewarded based on the number of villains they incapacitate, only adds fuel to an already volatile situation.

According to a formal statement issued earlier today from the Office of the Mayor, private meetings between City leaders and healthcare officials will begin early next week. Until then, the public waits with nervous apprehension.

Heroes from all corners of (and in some cases, beyond) the globe have flooded into Paragon City since its re-opening at the end of April. This has caused a massive increase in the amount of battles that rage on Paragon City streets. For the citizens and heroes, it is the first step in reclaiming the City from the villains who have taken advantage of their absence. From the villains, however, come claims of excessive force and brutality against the new heroes on the block.

Simon* is a former Skulls, then Warriors member who has recently given up the gang lifestyle, claiming it is "too dangerous with all the new lunatics [heroes] about". He paints a sorry picture of superpowered people aiming to get a reputation quickly and by any means necessary.

Simon says the very nature of heroes has changed since he first started his gangland days. "Sure, they'd still beat you up, but the heroes then would just use their fists and try to rehabilitate you. I know from personal experience that getting hit by Statesman hurts, but he'd do it with love, and leave you a little dignity during the beating."

"Nowadays, things are just scary. These heroes will set you on fire, freeze you to the spot, expose you to radiation or any of a host of nasty things. They just aim to take us villains out as quickly and move on. These costumes don't even talk to us anymore - they just go in with full powers blazing," complains Simon.

Simon wants Paragon City Hall to monitor heroes more closely, especially those heroes claiming to be "dark" or "anti-heroes". "Those heroes who try to be all dark and stuff are the absolute worst. Usually they actually come from a happy family background in somewhere like Missouri, but they get to Paragon City and feel the need to get street cred by being 'dangerous' or something. Those dark heroes compete with each other as to who the baddest is, which is just painful for us villains," comments Simon.

Simon claims to have quit the villain scene forever. "There are too many heroes and too many villain groups. Besides, as part of a gang I just look the same as everybody else, and I've never liked that." Simon is in the process of writing a book about his gangland experiences ("It's working title is Skulls and Cross Bone Daddies," Simon explains) that will be released next year.

* Not his real name.

This summer marks the release of many new boat models for fishing or just leisure cruises around Independence Port or Talos Island. One such model is Aqua-Mariner's Flounder 4000. It was expected to be a big hit, what with its incredible self-navigation and water-pump systems, yet the Flounder is quickly becoming synonymous with the Titanic.

Despite a great marketing campaign and large base of pre-orders, the Flounder was quickly dropped from the public's interest once owners discovered what a horrible boat it was.

Local mariner Arthur Curry explains: "While the boat IS technically unsinkable, faulty settings with the boats water pump system causes the vessel to be waterlogged more often than not. Also, the onboard navigation system has no way of taking direction from outside commands. And once owners are washed out of their vehicles, the boat just keeps on running itself."

This wouldn't be a problem, but the boat is powered by a small nuclear core, enabling centuries of activity without need of repair.

For this reason, every boat previously purchased is still running in the water. Port Authority is still trying to impound these vehicles but their attempts to "disarm" the onboard systems have so far been hampered due to the reported sensitivity of the reactor cores. Aqua-Mariner built the cores as be tamper-resistant to discourage villains and joyriders from stealing the Flounder, which has delayed deactivation.

Radiation defender Captain Adam is expected to assist the PA in their procedures.