Q: Hey, BM. On my road to world domination, I've been noticing that I frequently get lonely. Should I take a bride?

A: Short Answer: No. Long Answer: Hell no. Brides' screw up everything. They nag and whine when you come home late, and God forbid you spell the blood of the innocent on the Persian rug in the living room (and if you don’t have a Persian rug in the living room, why the hell not?). Prepare to have serious budget problems as your new bride decides she needs 4000 pairs of shoes, not one of which costs less than a small car. And the wedding? What a waste. I mean that’s 4 or 5 hours of demon summoning and slaughter just gone! And, of course, they’re never in the mood.

Q: What kind of unholy music do you like to listen to as you torture your victims to death, you terrible, heartless monster?

A: Bye Bye Bye by *Nsync. You have never tortured a victim unless you’ve done it to the sounds of *Nsync. There is no other music to torture to. Once you hit the play button, and the first notes blast they know they’re in for one hell of a time.

Q: Hi BM. I'm a relative newbie to the dark arts. Now, suppose you were also new, and you accidentally summoned a very powerful demon that killed your master and was bent on killing you. What would you do?

A: Oh! So you’re the one that summoned Steve. Nice guy. You’re screwed through. Brought him into this world straight from a Poker Game with the Devil. Had a Royal Flush, and you ruined it for him. He’s probably going to tear out your spleen. My suggestion? Run. Fast.

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Dating Across Origins - Is It Kosher?

by Tyffany Summers, Lifestyle Editor

There is always something going on in Paragon City. Be it crime, giant monsters or interaction with parallel universes, Paragon City seems to be the centre of events that can change the world. For every event, however, there are a small group of people who make it their jobs to go out, document it and present it to those who couldn't be there. Streamweaver, Head of Public Relations for Paragon City Hall, is one such hero - constantly one step ahead of what is going on in the Birthplace of Tomorrow. The Beholder caught up recently with Streamweaver to ask about his experiences, current events and how he sees the future playing out.

Beholder: Please tell us a bit about your past. How did you get the job as Head of Public Relations for Paragon City Hall?

Streamweaver: That's kind of an odd story. Originally I was employed as a project manager for Portal Corp, founded by Dr. Brian Webb after he left Freedom Phalanx in the 1980's. During early tests of his dimensional portal technology I was caught in a horrible accident and shifted into the unstable space between dimensions. For years I popped in and out of various alternate realities encountering all sorts of extraordinary phenomenon and wonderful creatures. I found that no matter where I ended up and no matter how odd the reality, sentient species are the same across the multiverse in their need for strong community. So in each dimension I traveled and I would do what I could to pull people a little closer together.

Eventually I ended up in the dark alternate dimension of The Reichsman and his Amerika Korps. The Reichsman himself had gone to our dimension years before but there was still an oppressive regime to help overthrow so I ended up working with the Appalachian Resistance near Atlanta. Then, almost 2 years ago, The Comet Queen crossed into that world pursuing some Fifth Column soldiers who had kidnapped the Mayor of Paragon City using captured Rikti technology. To make an already long story sort, the Resistance helped Comet Queen get the Mayor back and she returned both of us to Paragon City, where the Mayor offered me the job on the spot. I'm proud to say that I'm the longest running PR Head the city has had and look forward to my job every day.

B: How do you see Paragon City developing in the future?

StrW: Well as you know the whole city has recently been undergoing a very extensive revitalization program. City Officials have kept the details of the program very hush-hush and I know that's been painful for the its residents, but we're close to an important ceremony where we will unveil some major renovations in and around Paragon City. The future of Paragon City is really what it has to offer people choosing to join us here. Sure it's been a long and painful process rebuilding the city, but in the end, Paragon City is going to be able to offer people one of the most unique places you can live. You're going to see some stunning architecture that will make this city one of the best looking in the nation. People who are happy with the same old boring places to live won't be that excited about what we're doing here, but anyone looking for a city that offers them one of the most thrilling and different environments around is going to be very happy. Time will tell.

B: What is the biggest threat facing Paragon City today?

StrW: Honestly at this point the biggest threat is depopulation and whether Paragon City can draw in the kind of immigration we need to keep the city alive once all the renovations are completed. Let's face it: there are a lot of places people can choose to live, and City Officials have recognized that fact. Soon it will be time for them to really convince people why they should choose Paragon City over some other place, and if they don't meet some pretty high expectations I think it could do serious damage to the city's reputation.

B: What do you think of the heroes and citizens that make up the Paragon City community?

StrW: Without a doubt I've seen some of the most interesting personalities battling crime here in Paragon City. They have some of the keenest minds in the Super Hero game and I consider myself very lucky to have been a part of that community. Along the way we've lost a lot of good heroes though, and I mourn the loss of many of them, holding some fond memories of their various deeds. My biggest hope is that City Officials will be leading us into a time that not only brings good heroes in, but lets them feel valued and like they make enough of a difference to stay with us.

B: Does the community require more active policing to maintain order?

StrW: Well that's a very tough issue and I can assure you Paragon City Police have their own opinion on the matter. Myself though, I think there's a fine line between maintaining order and imposing order, the most dangerous part of the latter being that you develop a sort of cult of personality rather than a community. I think freedom within reason is very important for the future of Paragon City. After all, if we're to be a city of heroes then our Heroes need to be free to act, think, and pursue justice if we're going to make a better life for everyone here. In the end I think we'll see that Paragon City will be big enough for everyone to find a place for themselves and I'd like to see that encouraged in our community.

Interview continued in adjacent column...

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
You always pictured yourself playing lead guitar in a happy-go-lucky pop band, accompanied by a clumsy manager, and solving mysteries from town to town. It seems, however, you were born to be a super hero.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
A legion of super-powered neo-Nazi's, gangs of angry cyber punks, a seedy international pharmaceutical company, ultra powerful supernatural cult, bands of heavily mutated mole men, the remaining army of super intelligent aliens from another dimension. You've earned your Snapple.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
You will finally be able to get that movie made about you, unfortunately reviews will be mediocre at best due to that infamous carper of villainy, Sinema!

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Bored? Around the corner there is going to be a gang of bank robbers armed to the teeth with the latest in military technology, including jet packs, lazar guns, and power gauntlets. The stars also point to the same activity next Wednesday.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Sure the jet engines get you where you need to go fast, and the exterior is a real crowed pleaser, but don't you thank a nice electric car would be more environmentally safe? Also, you almost never car pool.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Alright, everyone who won't be dangling over a pit of death in the near future please step forward. Ah! not so fast Virgo.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Keeping your Hero Registration card in you wallet defeats the whole purpose of a secret identity.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
How come you can never start a relationship with someone normal? Its always the gun-toting daughter of an imprisoned scientist, and never the obnoxious girl with daddy issues.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Theirs only one thing worse than a giant tapeworm, and that's the giant man-eating green dandruff

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Congratulations on your first imitator! Unfortunately they will become very unpopular with fans and the Fates command they be weeded out of future adventures.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Bad news, the villain is going to tell you nil about his evil plan, so you might have to do some actual detective work.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Giant robots, evil hell hounds, or a pit and a pendulum. Either way its bad news for your loved one.

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Continued from previous column...

B: The community has been pretty quiet given the lull in release information about the rebuilding of Paragon City. How do you think this lull has impacted on the community in the long-term?

StrW: Truthfully I think the long term impact has yet to be seen. The most unfortunately result is that we saw many of our finest heroes depart for other cities, and although their numbers are small with respect to the eventual population of the city, it's still a troubling trend. I worry that continued cycles of rebuilding in the city can give us a poor reputation with other cities, that too many claims without enough action will give future endeavors a fizzle instead of a pop. I think though that whatever damage the rebuilding may have done, we're entering a new time of opportunity for Paragon City where we can really showcase what we have to offer potential citizens. If we have a solid follow through after the coming city wide re-dedication ceremony in May, I think any hard feelings from the lull will be forgotten about. Only time will tell though.

B: Thank you for your time Streamweaver.

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