The informative and often hilarious new television talk and interview program, Pardon The Investigation, topped Paragon’s television ratings list for a record 13th consecutive week. This historic achievement betters by one week the old record held by Foes, the situation comedy wherein six super powered villains blather on endlessly about relationships, work and coffee.

PTI, for the uninitiated, is dually hosted by Lord Anger, the perennially reforming ex-archvillain of PTI’s other host, hero The Questioneer. The show simply presents topics related to Paragon City current events and allows the two one-time enemies the opportunity to opine and argue as only they can. The results are often hilarious and occasionally explosive.

An excerpt from one truly memorable airing…

Lord Anger: "Lord Anger demands the next topic!"

Disemboweled Voice: "Countessa Crey, Fox or Foul?"

The Questioneer: "If I may, huh, huh, as the Countessa and I have a bit of a history, if you catch my meaning… She is most certainly a fox. But a fox for her cunning and ruthlessness… If but a quarter for each time she attempted some sort of illegal manuevering only to end up falling into my arms…"

LA: "Then a quarter short of 25 cents you’d be! You simpering fool… Crey matters not, Only Anger matters! Beware Paragon City, Lord Anger plots! Even now, while he easily defeats his mindless broadcast partner in topic after topic, Lord Anger plots your downfall!

TQ: "Oh, Lordy, you really have to work on that anger probl…"

LA: "Lord Anger demands the next topic!"

DV: "Pirates or Nin…"

LA: "Lord Anger demands he not be addressed as Lordy!"

PTI airs on PCTV weekdays at 5 p.m.

Paragon City Hall has officially banned time travellers and their vehicles from landing or departing within the central business district (CBD). The ban was put into place after recent numerous accidents being caused by time travellers popping out of the space-time continuum in the middle of peak hour.

Lord Chronos has placed a temporal net over the CBD that will see any time travellers attempting to land in the region bounced to the outer suburbs. "You can catch the monorail like everyone else if you wish to see Paragon City," says Lord Chronos. "Or you can enjoy the walk - the scenery will make a nice change from the post-apocalyptic wasteland you probably came from."

Lord Chronos has also seen to it that the Paragaon Stock Exchange (PSX) is immune to temporal insider trading. "If you attempt to pervert the course of history or find out the price of oil three years from now for your own benefit, I will catch you. In fact, I probably already have."

Paragon City came alive for the celebration of the Fourth of July, with fireworks, parades and parties occuring throughout the metropolitan area. The festivities were cut short for many heroes however as citizens and villains alike were thrown into confusion about the identity of those in costume.

"There was red, white and blue as far as the eye could see!" said David Golan, 76, who spent July 4 on Main Street. "I've been to a lot of Independence Day celebarations in Paragon City, but this was just incredible - almost everyone had switched their costumes to that of Old Glory!"

This change led to several incidents where similarly dressed heroes were confused and attacked by supervillains with limited success. Autograph hunters had a hard time finding the right hero to complete their collection, leading to some fans getting frustrated after getting the wrong signature.

Heroes were also often getting thanked for events they hadn't been involved in. "I sure as heck didn't rescue any orphans last week," said Master Action, "but everyone keeps thanking me for it, and I'm happy to take the credit!"

In related news, Paragon City tailors have reported a city-wide shortage of navy blue, fire brick red and ivory spandex. Shipments of this material are due in later this month.

Manufacturer Plushies R Us has come out with a new line of hero plush toys.

The Statesman plushy has a non-removable super soft helmet and a sound chip filled with well known Statesman statements. This toy also comes with a soft landing padding, for those playful times when you want to make him fly.

The Ajax plushy is big and made of very durable material that the manufacturer claims that the colors never fade even after repeated washing.

There are generic hero dolls too. The Blaster plushy comes with laser light and sound. This doll is super soft and flattens easily do to not having much stuffing in it.

The Defender is not so good to play with. It is more for sitting on the shelf and viewing at long range.

The Scrapper has real tough guy action with Velcro hold fuzzy fist clenching. You can always find this one in a pile of other plushies.

The generic Tanker is much like the Ajax plushy in design.

The Controller plushy has a voice chip that says things like. "I'm an important member of the team." When recorded and played backwards at a slow speed it sounds like. "Ba i eee bmore plushies, babuy bmore plushieees."

You can get plushies of other famous heroes like:

• Hero 1
• Dr. Science
• The Dark Watcher
• Maiden Justice
• Luminary
• Sister Psyche
  and many more.

Ads will soon be appearing featuring more about individual dolls. You can also find out more by contacting Plushies R Us or by visiting their web site.

There are no Villain stuffed toys available. Despite parental concerns, plans for releasing a villain line of plushies is expected in the coming months.