Mister Quick, the speed-based star hero best known for his work in the 1980's against street crime, has been heavily fined for numerous breaches of Paragon City's speed laws. In a short hearing Judge Marcus Barker handed down a $5000 fine to the crestfallen hero in the Paragon City Local Courts.

Although Paragon City allows heroes to use superspeed powers within its boundries, there are limits. Heroes are not allowed to move at over 50 kph in built-up pedestrian areas and must also be able to show a pressing need to be moving at an "excessive speed". The court heard that Mister Quick had been moving at 100 kph in a residential zone and when questioned about his destination had responded that he was "out for a burger."

In handing down his decision Judge Barker commented that "even heroes must follow the rules" and that this penalty was "a warning to those who might carelessly endanger the citizens of Paragon City through reckless power use". Judge Barker also congratulated Mister Quick on recently stopping a Lost scouting party from abducting citizens, but that this "had no bearing on this judgement."

Mister Quick has said he will not appeal the decision.

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Paragon Central Park ducks, grown to a massive size and armed with plasma breath, have gone on a rampage in Paragon City, attacking bakeries and asian restaurants in their journey across town. It took several hours for heroes to contain the ducks, which appear to have been altered by a mutagenic agent. Investigation into the cause found a container of Chemical Double-X, reportedly stolen from Crey Industries just hours before.

"It was horrible!" says Barbara Ottendottir, who witnessed the events. "At first I saw the giant ducks and thought how cute they were, but then they just started breathing fire everywhere! They tore the top off my local bakery and gorged themselves on the baked goods inside! The completely leveled the chinese restaurant who advertised Szechuan Duck as their specialty! And you don't want to know what they did to the egg factory!"

It was also reported that the ducks attacked and ate several giant tapeworms across the course of the rampage.

The Shepherd, whose Animal Control powers finally brought the ducks under control, said of the incident that "these were angry, angry ducks".

Crey spokesman Willard McCarthey has decried theft and use of the Chemical Double-X shipment. "Crey Industries decries such wanton destruction of Paragon City property and the use of our chemicals on ducks. We are launching a full investigation into who would do such a thing! They didn't even set up a monitoring station!"

Crey Industries has offered to take the ducks in for testing and to attempt to cure them from Chemical Double-X's effects.

Sources indicate that only half of the stolen Chemical Double-X shipment was used to infect the ducks. Numerous hero groups have launched investigations to determine the location of the remainder of the shipment.

The ducks are resting comfortably in Paragon Central Park at the moment, kept under control by the Shepherd. As per usual, visitors to the park are being asked not to feed them.

It's painfully obvious that the so-called ‘Rikti' are nothing more than swamp gas and weather balloons set up by the government.
Bryan Warsaw
Newsletter Editor

Technologies is the pathetic magic of the mortals, all who worship the false gods of science will find a excruciating existence inside the icy hell worm: where the flesh shall separate from the bone.
Denis Fillmore
Dietician

If the Rikti have advanced far enough into a utopian society based on nudism, then by God we should not only embrace their technology, but embrace their naked oily bodies.
Bob Hogan
Unemployed

I don't thinks it's right. My boyfriend got his genes spliced with a fly using one of those teleporter things. Now he's some sort of man-fly thing, he has incredible superpowers and all, but how am I going to get freaky with that?
Jessica Ambrose
System Analyst

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