A leading Paragon City chiropractor has started a campaign to improve the posture of our heroine's after seeing a large jump in back injuries over the past few months. Dr Samus "Bone" Kracker, a retired hero, says that bad posture together with a lack of stretching before strenuous patrolling has led to his practise seeing a marked increase in back complaints.

"I've seen a number of rather painful back conditions across my time, but recently there have been a lot more amongst the hero population," says Dr Kracker. "Some back conditions arise from their line of work - being thrown into walls, cars, etc and landing badly. These soft tissue injuries can be treated using modern medicine or magical incantations. But I've seen a lot more cases of kyphosis in recent times."

Kyphosis is a condition where the spine has an exaggerated curvature and in most cases is a result of slouching or poor posture. Dr Kracker says that it appears that heroines are often more susceptible to suffering from kyphosis due to a number of factors: high-heeled or platform shoes that tire balance muscles more quickly than flat shoes, poor posture ("[too] many heroines spend their time with their chests stuck out, which can place undue stress on the back") and a lack of core muscle strength. "Too many heroes and heroines spend time working out on their arms and legs but ignore their back and abdominal muscles," says Dr Kracker. "These muscles keep the body 'centered'. When a heroine (or hero) spends a lot of time dodging or flying they can place undue stress on these muscle groups which can lead to back pain."

Dr Samus says strengthening up back and abdominal muscles, having a relaxed posture and stretching thoroughly before a mission are all ways to prevent back injuries from occuring.

A fire has ripped through famed Paragon City hangout The Official Boards, achieving mass havoc and causing many heroes to flee. At this point it is unknown how much damage the flames have caused.

Sgt Peter Thomson of the PCFD has indicated that the source of the fire is unknown. "We're still investigating, but at this point it looks like the flames could have started from any of a number of sources - faulty wiring, a hero bar-fight caused by some political disagreements, a lack of official direction on fire policy by the owners of The Official Boards - or it could be a little of all of them."

"In the end, it doesn't matter where the fire started. We think it's out and what's important is that it stays out." Sgt Thompson said such meltdowns were common at Boards and that he'd seen worse. "I only hope no-one was permanently hurt by the flames," he said.

The Official Boards, a supervised club that has been open for over a year, has been a popular hangout and recruitment spot for the heroes of Paragon City. A statement has been issued indicating that The Official Boards are examining their "No Smoking or Flaming" policy with an eye to stop such events occurring again.

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Super-Genius Education Initiative Announced

by Barry Dawdle

The longest-running feud in Paragon City ­ discounting feuds involving villain groups, of course ­ may be soon ending.

Nin Soke, leader of the famous Jumonji Ryu team of ninja heroes, has reported in personal conversation that he has contacted members of two pirate teams and arranged a conference next month to begin laying out the terms for a truce in this war of words. He has high hopes that this harmless but annoying public spat will soon be behind us. In a city of alien invaders and mutant crime-fighters, it does seem a bit absurd that two well-known groups of human super-heroes would be having silly name- calling and spitting contests when they’re not out fighting crime.

When asked about the origin of the feud, Nin Soke speculated that it arose out of their mutual history of nefarious activity and their competition to be the first to “clean-up their image” in this modern day and time. “We have been trying to improve our public image in Paragon for decades, and so have the Pirates."

"We ninja have always been fighting for the underclass of society, and our poor image was strictly the result of propaganda issued by the royal class. However, the pirates have a long history of truly being on both sides of the law, so their redemption has been much harder for them to achieve. But there should be room in this city for all human crime fighters, regardless of their past, without this petty bickering over who was on first.”

We all hope so.

Pirate leaders are yet to respond officially to Nin Soke's message, but many pirates have expressed delight to the news that the spitting will stop.